Generation Spellcheck

There are no sweeter words found in a college syllabus than 'take home essay.' Nothing inspires more faith in a just and sympathetic Almighty than a professor that understands the necessity of spell-check. This, of course, is an exaggeration, but there are questions that need to be asked. Are insufficient spelling practices the result of a lazy mind or a restricted educational system?

More than that, do we question the language we grew up with and its inherent flaws? English is ?considered one most complicated languages on the planet, so it is not difficult to fathom that even a ?native understanding of the language may not be ?altogether complete.

Lets take, as our primary example, the actions of a functional illiterate, none other than the scribe of this very article who, in fact, just spell-checked "functional illiterate" twice. Tanner Fogle (we'll do this in third person so it sounds more journalistic-y) didn't go to college right after high school. Instead, after a trial separation he took an assessment test for Fullerton College. The test focuses on three subjects for assessing ?education level and class placement. They are: math, reading and writing - simple enough. Fogle's scores were abysmal in math, above college introductory levels in reading and 8 points below college level in writing; mostly due to spelling and comma errors. Because of Fogle's high reading score, he successfully lobbied to be placed in the English 100 college level course rather than a remedial English 60 class. He passed the 100 course with an A, joined FC's honors society and lived moderately happily ever after.

So here, we encounter our first flaw in the ?system: assessment. Assessment testing is based on ?the general principle that there is a certain amount of knowledge gained or retained from the period of ?kindergarten through grade 12. This process doesn't allow for the variables associated with a break ?between high school and college or the simple occurrence of life intervening. This, among other reasons, has resulted in a high rate of remedial community in colleges across the nation. But don't feel singled out, returning students, because we alone do not make up the huddled masses of the ignorant. The cone of ?intellectual shame spirals outward into the public meat-grinder of high schools as well.

According to the Research and Planning Group: Center for Student Success Environmental Scan for the state of California, in 2005 "a recent survey of California's community college placement test results indicated that only about 27 percent of students place in transfer level English [and] 42 percent of students place in remedial English. The California Community Colleges have had nearly 1/2 million enrollments in remedial classes in English and mathematics in recent years; 55 percent of these students must take two or more remedial courses and 72 percent of those who take two or more remedial courses earn no credential whatsoever."

This phenomenon of potentially being smart and testing stupid has brought about its very own funded initiative in community colleges, entitled Basic Skills. What are 'Basic Skills?' Basic skills (as the name might imply) are what you were supposed to learn ?in high school. More than one in every three California ?community college students is enrolled in a basic ?skills course (any class below 100). It's important to note that these classes are noncredit. They serve only to prepare you for a college level course, which ?means money out of your beer bust fund and more precious time spent in class and not contributing to the workforce … you slacker.

Let's look at the basic skills data, quoting all the way from the scan, "The statewide course success rate in basic skills (60 percent) is about 10 percent lower than that of other courses. With an increase in the number of students needing remedial classes, overall success rates may begin to decline unless there is a commensurate increase in support services and/or improved methods of basic skills education. Empirical evidence suggests that those who ?begin at the lowest levels of ?basic skills are unlikely to achieve a degree or transfer to a university."

There are institutional mandates that have contributed to the bonfire of inadequate ?instructional foundations. The No Child Left Behind Act, to which all public schools are held accountable for low test scores under penalty of reduced federal income, is an example of such a heat rash. The encroachment of this act has led to some controversy. Schools more concerned with their cash-cow will allow students to suffer in acquiring actual knowledge in favor of "teaching the test." This means for all intents and purposes, schools are giving the students the ?answers to the exam ahead of time. The result is likely that a general assessment test to qualify for college courses is guaranteed to be low, and those ?entering college based on high school transcripts will ?potentially scrub out.

According to the scan, "many California high school students are largely unaware of subject requirements to succeed in college-level work. K-12 needs more ?information about community college admission [and] placement, and community colleges need better alignment with K-12 standards [and] assessments. ?Site-specific placement exams at community colleges hinder systemic action."

The idea that some of this expense and time could have been avoided should concern any incoming student as well as college administrators who have inherited the failings of the learning institutions that came before them. It's all a 40-ounce crap cocktail and we all have to take a swig.

So let's swing this finger pointing back around to the larger central theme. Why is spelling and proper written form an institutionalized McGuffin? Because if we didn't have proper written English, it would throw the entire world into complete disarray. Dogs would start eating cat food, cats would start eating bird food and birds would start eating cheeseburgers. Mostly what would happen is, English teachers would be forced to holster their red pens and adapt to the changing ?literary environment. Example: William Shakespeare is considered one of the greatest writers of the English language, so great and influential in fact that no one has attempted to write like him in 400 YEARS! The point, here, is that language is fluid and constantly changing. The evolution of language has been not only a passion for linguists throughout the ages but also a source of some disagreement, when discussing its origins. Whether you are a strict Darwinian, who believes that language (and its written counterpart) is simply the product of ?natural selection (still continuing to evolve), or a Chomskyian, believing that language is an innate commutative device with a collective speech or 'deep structure' beneath a surface structure of grammar that could be transformed (causing all sorts of ?miscommunication headaches), the reality is that language remains the same even when continuously being altered. Case in point, the phrase 'Oh, my God!' to 'OMG!' the meaning and cadence remain identical, however the representation is altered. Spelling is in the eye of the ?beholder.

And what a ridiculous language this English thing is in the first place, the only language that I can recall that borrows and incorporates from all of the providences surrounding its source. The only thing that this verbal miscegenation has brought forth is phonic confusion, with some of the most random and crazy rules that any reasonable, ?intelligent person would ignore completely. Homonyms, for example, whose brilliant invention was the 'there, their and they're' 'mind-screw,' and if our forbearers were so smart why didn't at least one of them point out that maybe one 'there' was enough. ?Speaking of enough, there is no 'F' in 'enough,' can anybody explain to me why? No, because it doesn't make any damn sense, that's why. If there is an 'F' sound, there should be an 'F' some where in the word. No wonder students are becoming more reliant on technology to sort this rubbish out. This might be the first generation of reasonable ?people to acutely look at the English ?language as entirely flawed, or at least in need of restructuring, lol.

So what can we glean from this information? Is the populous inept or are the processes by which we educate outdated? How is it that a student can test under the margin of the college measuring stick yet pass a college course with the ?highest grade possible?

Simple: adaptation. Colleges and their instructors have recognized that their students are more and more reliant on technology, ?allowing said students to concentrate more on content and less on form. The English language has always been subject to the interpretation and evolution of its progenitors, there is no pure form, and should not be taught or graded as if their ever was. By-the-by, "Progenitors" was spell-checked. T